y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
