Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
