im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Moan for me like Helen Keller
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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