We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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