Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
