I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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