There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
