Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
