She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
