there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
