I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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