i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
