Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
