Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
