HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
