Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just cropdusted the office
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
