you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
