Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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