You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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