I'm going to jail i love you
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
