i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I am naked and annoyed.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
