so explain again why im purple
no
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
