singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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