When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
