shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
