Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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