He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
