i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
