I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My breasts were aching with rage.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
