i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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