I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
