He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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