Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
