she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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