I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
