cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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