I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
