like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
