We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just gift wrapped bread.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
