Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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