can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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