who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
