you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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