1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Naked. naked and bneed help.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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