I'm going to jail i love you
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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