i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize