Your tits are I can't wait for
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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