I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
