I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize