Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
