if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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