just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
