every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
