i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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