good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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