And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
