When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
