i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The air was thick with penises
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
