Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
