I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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