Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
