i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What drink are we having for lunch?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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