Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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