Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
