Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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