I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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