I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
