do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize