Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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