Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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