I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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