Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
