I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
