dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
