We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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