All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
