I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
