Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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