I just saw a hot homeless man
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
