So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
