Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize