Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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