You work out of a Hotel?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
