i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
