dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
