I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
