I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
