How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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