were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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