I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
