we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
