just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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