he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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