First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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