I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
