The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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