Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Couch. On fire.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
