I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I came so hard my ears popped.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
