just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
