OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
