counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
