I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
