I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
