I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
