im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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