$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize