I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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