and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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