I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
