i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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