Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
