i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
