So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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