forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
